Discipline Toolkit, Part 2 of 3

Last week I wrote about the difference between punishment and consequences as it relates to disciplining your child. Punishment is primarily about retribution, whereas consequences are about rational outcomes. This week, I will explain three different types of consequences of which you should be aware and keep ready in your "discipline toolkit": logical, applied, and natural.

A logical consequence is a sentence that fits the crime. For instance, a youth leaves the TV room a mess, so he has to clean it up. A teen breaks curfew, so she does not get to go out the following weekend. See how the consequence flows rationally from the misbehavior?

An applied consequence is a practical sentence that doesn't quite fit the crime. Let's face it, teens can be pretty creative sometimes and it is not always apparent what a logical consequence might be for certain transgressions. So a parent finds a functional substitute. A young person skips school, so he loses internet privileges for the week.

A natural consequence is just what it sounds like: let nature take its course. A young person is rude to his classmates, so they exclude him. A youth leaves her bicycle unlocked and it gets stolen. This may be the hardest consequence for a parent, too. Often our biggest temptation is to jump in and save things for our children, like to immediately buy the child a new bicycle. But when we do that we are short-circuiting the learning one gets from experience, which may be the best teacher of all.

These three consequences, when used consistently by parents, help teens understand how the world works. They learn that there are results to their choices, and that better choices will lead to better results. This fosters self-discipline.

Next week, in part three, I will explain how consequences can take the pressure of you as a parent in the disciplining process.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This article originally appeared in the March 12, 2010 edition of The Times Observer in Warren, Pennsylvania.