Discipline Toolkit, Part 1 of 3

There is an old expression that goes, "if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail." I suspect that whoever coined it had a pretty good understanding of people, such as how we often fall into particular patterns in the way we deal with problems, even when other options exist. Nowhere is this more apparent perhaps than in the way we discipline children.

There are "hammer people" who look at punishment as the only tool in their discipline toolkit. Their philosophy is to come down hard on a young person. If that doesn't work, they come down harder. Frankly, it is a terrible tool because it has more to do with parent anger and is inconsistently meted out because it is based on an emotional response. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines punishment as: "suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution" and "severe, rough, or disastrous treatment." Now does this sound like any way to discipline a youth?

By contrast, there are parents who use consequences as one of many tools in their disciple toolkit. Their philosophy is to redirect the youth and foster self-discipline. Consequences are wonderful tools because they are based on the youth's behavior and are consistently applied. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines consequences as: "a conclusion derived through logic" and "something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions." Sounds like a much better approach to discipline, right?

Next week, in part two, I will explain different three different types of consequences and how they help instill self-discipline in your teenager.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This article originally appeared in the March 5, 2010 edition of The Times Observer in Warren, PA.