Healthy Advice: Thank You is All You Need To Say

In addition to my blogging, I write a weekly newspaper column for The Times Observer in Warren, PA. This column originally ran on June 26, 2009.

How do you take a compliment? Do you quickly blurt out a quick it was no big deal to get the attention off yourself? Or do you keep milking the moment until you are the only one left applauding? I am teaching my children right now how to graciously accept a flattering remark. Usually saying thank you is a graceful enough response. It allows one to feel good about a job well done without becoming prideful.

As I have discovered with most of my parent-to-child imparted wisdom, I should heed the advice myself. When complimented I still alternate between getting red faced or feeling the need to point out every little effort that it took to complete the good job. Although they seem like polar-opposite responses I think they are both rooted in the way I see myself.

Think about it. Is not downplaying a compliment really saying that I'm not worthy of it? Similarly, fishing around for additional compliments indicates a definite need for affirmation. I hope that someday I will be able to strike the healthy balance that gets missed between these two unhealthy extremes.

My friend, Jay, shared a neat insight before this column went to press: "There's another aspect to trying to deflect the compliment. It tells the person giving it that they don't really understand the situation—which is quite simply rude. It took me a long time to simply say thank you and shut up."

Shutting up is not advice I get everyday, but my friend has a good point. Protesting a compliment, no matter how humble the intention, is focused on self rather than others. So a simple thank you (period) is a way of being considerate to others. Both the giver and receiver can feel good from the exchange of a few simple words.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Accept compliments graciously. Remind yourself that you are worthy of people's affirmation.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.