Thursday, July 9, 2009
Scot McKnight on Love
"Love shouldn't become overly romanticized. Love is hard work at times, especially when it involves stretched and strained relationships. But, if we let love do its work, love is resourceful enough to find a way into our visible relationships" (137). -- Scot McKnight in 40 Days Living the Jesus Creed
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Churches Provide Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry
From this morning's Post-Journal in Jamestown, NY:
Four Lutheran churches in the Jamestown-Lakewood area have teamed up to provide a Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry to promote faith formation and provide recreation for young people in fifth through 12th grades.
The four congregations - Bethel Lutheran Church, Gloria Dei Lutheran Church, Holy Trinity Lutheran Church and Immanuel Lutheran Church - are providing volunteers and financial support to the cooperative effort. The Gustavus Adolphus Home of Lutheran Social Services is providing recreational space for the group at its facility.
The Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry is coordinated by Ian Eastman, who has a background in youth ministry, school-age child care and youth advocacy. He holds a master of arts in spiritual formation from Northwest Nazarene University and a bachelor of science in cultural studies from SUNY Empire State College. He works at Family Services of Warren County, a charitable counseling agency.
The ministry is planning a recreational kick-off event in August for the young people and the volunteers to get acquainted. Weekly youth group meetings will begin in September. For more information, contact any of the four congregations or e-mail Ian.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Healthy Advice: Unsolicited Advice About Marriage
In addition to my blogging, I write a weekly newspaper column for The Times Observer in Warren, PA. This column originally ran on July 3, 2009.
My wife and I were engaged 20 years ago this week. We were pretty young and many of the adults we knew took it upon themselves to set us straight about the sober realities of married life: settling down, the cost of living, responsibility, and child rearing.
I even remember one friend somberly recounting how she saw people on Oprah who divorced because the wife squeezed toothpaste from the bottom of the tube and the husband from the top. "And that's just toothpaste!" she gravely informed us.
Over the last 17 years of marriage my wife and I have discovered that all of these adults with their scare tactics were way off base.
They didn't make marriage sound frightening enough!
Who could have ever prepared us for our first set of wheels: a noisy Omni which had a habit of catching fire at the most inconvenient times?
Some things we just had to experience first hand to believe. For instance, we learned quickly that we couldn't maintain a high society lifestyle on our combined first-year income of $11,000. We never suspected the number of decisions that we would have to make in response to unexpected crises.
Sometimes one of us would joke, "Let's get a grownup to decide." Then the other would say, "Oh wait. We are the grownups!"
I share this piece of completely unsolicited advice with those contemplating marriage: respect each other. Life will throw some pretty crazy stuff your way. You can respond like a team and be brought closer together, or you can blame and mistrust each other and drift apart.
Even when we disagree, I know that my wife has the best interests of the family at heart. I have confidence in her that she will do the right thing, as she does in me. That has helped us through the peaks and valleys of 17 years of marriage.
You might also consider buying a plastic toothpaste dispenser, because you never know...
Thought for the week: Tell your partner what you admire about them.
Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.
My wife and I were engaged 20 years ago this week. We were pretty young and many of the adults we knew took it upon themselves to set us straight about the sober realities of married life: settling down, the cost of living, responsibility, and child rearing.
I even remember one friend somberly recounting how she saw people on Oprah who divorced because the wife squeezed toothpaste from the bottom of the tube and the husband from the top. "And that's just toothpaste!" she gravely informed us.
Over the last 17 years of marriage my wife and I have discovered that all of these adults with their scare tactics were way off base.
They didn't make marriage sound frightening enough!
Who could have ever prepared us for our first set of wheels: a noisy Omni which had a habit of catching fire at the most inconvenient times?
Some things we just had to experience first hand to believe. For instance, we learned quickly that we couldn't maintain a high society lifestyle on our combined first-year income of $11,000. We never suspected the number of decisions that we would have to make in response to unexpected crises.
Sometimes one of us would joke, "Let's get a grownup to decide." Then the other would say, "Oh wait. We are the grownups!"
I share this piece of completely unsolicited advice with those contemplating marriage: respect each other. Life will throw some pretty crazy stuff your way. You can respond like a team and be brought closer together, or you can blame and mistrust each other and drift apart.
Even when we disagree, I know that my wife has the best interests of the family at heart. I have confidence in her that she will do the right thing, as she does in me. That has helped us through the peaks and valleys of 17 years of marriage.
You might also consider buying a plastic toothpaste dispenser, because you never know...
Thought for the week: Tell your partner what you admire about them.
Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Don't be a meanie!
"If there's anything I've learned from both conservatives and liberals, it's that you can have all the right political answers and still be mean. And nobody wants to listen to you if you're mean. One of the things we can do is learn to disagree well. I think there is a new conversation happening within evangelicalism in post-religious-right America that is much healthier. We can actually learn to disagree well." -- Shane Claiborne quoted by Out of Ur.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Together & In Common
I am reading through Acts currently in my devotions. These few verses have never failed to capture my imagination over the last few years:
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved" (Acts 2:42-47 TNIV).
My attention is often drawn to verses 44 & 45, perhaps because this describes something so unlike my experience of faith: "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need." It seems like an unattainable ideal, at least here in the first world, where I am largely defined by my possessions and my spirituality is so personalized. I am not sure my charitable giving is quite the same thing, although I know that it certainly helps!
My thinking ran along different lines this morning and I want to write about it before it grows obscure. They met in each other's homes for worship and meals. I wonder if, perhaps, this might have been one of the defining experiences in their generous lifestyles? You would really get to know each other that way… A person going through a crisis would not become a "client" or a "project"… Promoting a friend's wholeness and well-being would be natural under these circumstances… This all seems very different from the way "church" usually conducts its "mission."
As you can see, my thoughts are far from complete at this point. Do you have any insight into this?
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved" (Acts 2:42-47 TNIV).
My attention is often drawn to verses 44 & 45, perhaps because this describes something so unlike my experience of faith: "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need." It seems like an unattainable ideal, at least here in the first world, where I am largely defined by my possessions and my spirituality is so personalized. I am not sure my charitable giving is quite the same thing, although I know that it certainly helps!
My thinking ran along different lines this morning and I want to write about it before it grows obscure. They met in each other's homes for worship and meals. I wonder if, perhaps, this might have been one of the defining experiences in their generous lifestyles? You would really get to know each other that way… A person going through a crisis would not become a "client" or a "project"… Promoting a friend's wholeness and well-being would be natural under these circumstances… This all seems very different from the way "church" usually conducts its "mission."
As you can see, my thoughts are far from complete at this point. Do you have any insight into this?
Friday, June 26, 2009
Healthy Advice: Thank You is All You Need To Say
In addition to my blogging, I write a weekly newspaper column for The Times Observer in Warren, PA. This column originally ran on June 26, 2009.
How do you take a compliment? Do you quickly blurt out a quick it was no big deal to get the attention off yourself? Or do you keep milking the moment until you are the only one left applauding? I am teaching my children right now how to graciously accept a flattering remark. Usually saying thank you is a graceful enough response. It allows one to feel good about a job well done without becoming prideful.
As I have discovered with most of my parent-to-child imparted wisdom, I should heed the advice myself. When complimented I still alternate between getting red faced or feeling the need to point out every little effort that it took to complete the good job. Although they seem like polar-opposite responses I think they are both rooted in the way I see myself.
Think about it. Is not downplaying a compliment really saying that I'm not worthy of it? Similarly, fishing around for additional compliments indicates a definite need for affirmation. I hope that someday I will be able to strike the healthy balance that gets missed between these two unhealthy extremes.
My friend, Jay, shared a neat insight before this column went to press: "There's another aspect to trying to deflect the compliment. It tells the person giving it that they don't really understand the situation—which is quite simply rude. It took me a long time to simply say thank you and shut up."
Shutting up is not advice I get everyday, but my friend has a good point. Protesting a compliment, no matter how humble the intention, is focused on self rather than others. So a simple thank you (period) is a way of being considerate to others. Both the giver and receiver can feel good from the exchange of a few simple words.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Accept compliments graciously. Remind yourself that you are worthy of people's affirmation.
Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.
How do you take a compliment? Do you quickly blurt out a quick it was no big deal to get the attention off yourself? Or do you keep milking the moment until you are the only one left applauding? I am teaching my children right now how to graciously accept a flattering remark. Usually saying thank you is a graceful enough response. It allows one to feel good about a job well done without becoming prideful.
As I have discovered with most of my parent-to-child imparted wisdom, I should heed the advice myself. When complimented I still alternate between getting red faced or feeling the need to point out every little effort that it took to complete the good job. Although they seem like polar-opposite responses I think they are both rooted in the way I see myself.
Think about it. Is not downplaying a compliment really saying that I'm not worthy of it? Similarly, fishing around for additional compliments indicates a definite need for affirmation. I hope that someday I will be able to strike the healthy balance that gets missed between these two unhealthy extremes.
My friend, Jay, shared a neat insight before this column went to press: "There's another aspect to trying to deflect the compliment. It tells the person giving it that they don't really understand the situation—which is quite simply rude. It took me a long time to simply say thank you and shut up."
Shutting up is not advice I get everyday, but my friend has a good point. Protesting a compliment, no matter how humble the intention, is focused on self rather than others. So a simple thank you (period) is a way of being considerate to others. Both the giver and receiver can feel good from the exchange of a few simple words.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Accept compliments graciously. Remind yourself that you are worthy of people's affirmation.
Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Jon Stewart on Love Thy Neighbor
"Remember to love your neighbor as you love yourself. And if you hate yourself, then please—just leave your neighbor alone." -- Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show, quoted in The Sacredness of Questioning Everything by David Dark
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Temptation
FLY (First Lutheran Youth) was fun tonight. After a long day at work I feel like I should be pooped, but I feel energized after spending time with the young people.
We had ice cream with the widows dinner group that meets at church. I think intergenerational activities are good for young people. It was fun to see all ages in conversation. One funny thing happened: we were going around the circle introducing ourselves and saying what our favorite ice cream topping was. A 98 year old woman said "Beer!" which the kids thought was pretty funny.
We talked about temptation tonight during small group discussion. I was awed by how these 5 - 8 graders engaged with the topic. The youth went away knowing that everyone gets tempted (it's normal), God provides a way out of temptation (it is not inevitable to give in), and we need to take responsibility for our choices. I think it was a good reminder for us adult volunteers, too.
We had ice cream with the widows dinner group that meets at church. I think intergenerational activities are good for young people. It was fun to see all ages in conversation. One funny thing happened: we were going around the circle introducing ourselves and saying what our favorite ice cream topping was. A 98 year old woman said "Beer!" which the kids thought was pretty funny.
We talked about temptation tonight during small group discussion. I was awed by how these 5 - 8 graders engaged with the topic. The youth went away knowing that everyone gets tempted (it's normal), God provides a way out of temptation (it is not inevitable to give in), and we need to take responsibility for our choices. I think it was a good reminder for us adult volunteers, too.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Healthy Advice: Distracting or dealing?
In addition to my blogging, I write a weekly newspaper column for The Times Observer in Warren, PA. This column originally ran on June 19, 2009.
What do you do when you are feeling down?
Maybe I should have phrased that question, what can't you do when you're feeling down! After all, we live in an age that is characterized by consumerism and amusement. We can distract ourselves from the occasional funk in any number of ways: there's television, radio, movies, the internet, shopping, eating, and even alcohol and drugs. Our society invites us to anesthetize uncomfortable feelings as if they are something inherently bad.
I sometimes wonder if this is akin to pulling the batteries out of a wailing smoke alarm. I short-circuit a warning system that is pointing out that all is not well with my soul. In my experience, a lot of growth occurs when I embrace restlessness instead of trying to snap out of it. I ask myself questions like:
Why am I feeling restless/sad/angry, etc?
When did I start feeling this way?
Is there a situation in my life that I am trying to ignore?
Writing things down helps me get in touch with my feelings. Sometimes I will negotiate myself around how I am feeling for quite some time before I acknowledge what is really there. Getting it out on paper makes it real—and manageable. Talking to a friend is a big help too, especially when they are level-headed. They don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes just listening and asking a few good questions can be a big help.
(NOTE: A persistently sad or hopeless mood that lasts for more than two weeks or interferes with normal daily activities may be a sign of depression. Depression responds well to treatment, and people suffering from it should contact a professional.)
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Am I distracting myself instead of dealing with an issue in my life?
Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.
What do you do when you are feeling down?
Maybe I should have phrased that question, what can't you do when you're feeling down! After all, we live in an age that is characterized by consumerism and amusement. We can distract ourselves from the occasional funk in any number of ways: there's television, radio, movies, the internet, shopping, eating, and even alcohol and drugs. Our society invites us to anesthetize uncomfortable feelings as if they are something inherently bad.
I sometimes wonder if this is akin to pulling the batteries out of a wailing smoke alarm. I short-circuit a warning system that is pointing out that all is not well with my soul. In my experience, a lot of growth occurs when I embrace restlessness instead of trying to snap out of it. I ask myself questions like:
Why am I feeling restless/sad/angry, etc?
When did I start feeling this way?
Is there a situation in my life that I am trying to ignore?
Writing things down helps me get in touch with my feelings. Sometimes I will negotiate myself around how I am feeling for quite some time before I acknowledge what is really there. Getting it out on paper makes it real—and manageable. Talking to a friend is a big help too, especially when they are level-headed. They don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes just listening and asking a few good questions can be a big help.
(NOTE: A persistently sad or hopeless mood that lasts for more than two weeks or interferes with normal daily activities may be a sign of depression. Depression responds well to treatment, and people suffering from it should contact a professional.)
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Am I distracting myself instead of dealing with an issue in my life?
Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Tailgate Party
Great to see First Lutheran showing appreciation to high school students at the end of a long school year! It looks like everyone had a pretty good time, despite the rain:
By the way, First Lutheran Youth are meeting every Wednesday night from 6 pm - 8 pm through the summer.
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