On retreat

Every year, I get away for a few days on retreat. It is a space I put in my calendar to ponder the course of my life. I find the discipline increasingly helpful as I become older. Decision making was easier when I was younger; the choices were between good and bad, or wise and foolish. Decision making at my present age is different; the number of good choices have increased, and I find myself contemplating between better and best.

This year I found myself at retreat on Chautauqua Lake, courtesy of my friends Jeff and Peg, and Bob and Tammie. I can't share much about the particulars of the retreat, but let me say that if anyone ever invites you to Koinonia, by all means go! You will not regret it.

The first evening of the retreat a participant shared his thoughts on the importance of clarifying one's personal ideals. In other words, what values will guide your life? I discussed this with a friendly group of guys during table fellowship afterwards. We agreed that the pace of life makes manifesting one's ideals a challenge, but then Tim spoke up: "Everyone gives their life for something, even if it's lousy." Just because one doesn't examine one's values doesn't mean they aren't playing.

I can't remember who said it, but we all quickly agreed that this little phrase summed up our discussion: "It's not the years in your life, but the life in your years." Here's to a weekend retreat that got a group of guys thinking about what's worth living.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County--a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This Healthy Advice column originally ran in the May 14, 2010 edition of the Times Observer in Warren, PA.

The Godbearing Life - thoughts on the preface

The Godbearing Life: The Art of Soul Tending for Youth Ministry. Kenda Creasy Dean and Ron Foster, Nashville, Upper Room, 1998.

I love youth ministry; youth ministry books--not so much. I find ministry itself exciting, challenging, and unpredictable, yet somehow many of the books I have read on the topic come off as overly prescriptive and programmatic. The Godbearing Life is not one of those books. I think it may be the greatest ever written on youth ministry.

The authors propose that the church treats youth ministry as an age-specific program to manage (and master), rather than as an opportunity for youth and adults alike to model and experience a new way of living together. They write, "Ministry, least of all youth ministry, was never intended to be a service profession. Ministry is the grateful response of God's people, whose activity in the world and with one another suggests a new way of being alive. Ministry is not something we 'do' to someone else. It is a holy way of living toward God and toward one another."

The pressure is on for many youth pastors to produce tangible results to justify the church's return on investment. Corners get cut in the drive for for more people, more programs, and more activity--and that corner is usually the tending of our souls. Ironically, we often retreat from our life with Jesus in the drive to convert and confirm youth to life in Jesus. We aim too low for youth and don't tend to the urgent needs our own souls, either. Could this be why youth, despite the money and attention thrown at youth ministry, leave the church in large numbers as they transition into adulthood? The authors write, "Adolescents are looking for a soul shaking, heart waking, world-changing God to fall in love with; and if they do not find that God in the Christian church, they will most likely settle for lesser gods elsewhere...So will we."

A distinctive of this book is that it is just as much about adults as young people. We all need to a vital relationship with God. The authors propose their desire to "rechart a course for youth ministry in a way that fuels the faith of both young people and the adults who love them." A worthy goal, don't you think?

I am really on the wavelength of this book... I'm looking forward to blogging through this experience over the next few weeks.

Creating space & time for what matters

Before I observed Turn It Off Week, I never realized how entrenched electronic entertainment is in my life. I'm on the go a lot, don't have cable television, and have so far resisted the cell phone/text craze, so I had assumed that my usage was low. Then I started to notice little things, like walking towards the computer (to turn it on) when I came home or instinctively reaching for the television remote instead of the bookshelf. It was a real eye opener that showed me some areas for growth.

One day I had two burn barrels going and knew I was going to be out in the yard for awhile, so I began listening to my iPod. A few minutes later Nigel, my teenage son, approached to see what I was doing. I put the iPod away and gave my full attention to our conversation, rather divide it with the Rolling Stones. We spent the next few hours talking about everything great and small as we tended the barrels. It occurred to me that I wouldn't have learned much of anything as a kid had my dad gone around in his own world with headphones shutting everybody out. The time with my kids at home is passing so quickly--Nigel is 13, Heather is 17--I don't want to miss a minute of it.

Youth group was interesting. Our regular digs were unavailable, so we were graciously lent some space at a local non-profit, which came equipped with a Wii and video projector that projected the video game larger-than-life on the wall. You should have seen the kids salivating--you would have thought we arrived at Disneyland or something. I didn't tell the kids that they couldn't play the Wii--after all, they didn't sign up for Turn It Off Week--but I wondered if I could come up with something fun enough to lure them away from the video game. The salvation came in a human foosball game set up in the corner. Soon everyone, youth and adult alike, were engaged in this kooky life-sized variation on table soccer. Some of the kids told me on the way out that it was the most fun youth group of the year. Score one for physical exercise!

We hit a snag during the week, though. We had a day that was too cold and wet for outdoor activities and my kids were ready to declare the experiment over. I think that was the moment it occurred to me that Turn It Off Week isn't about taking things away (like texting, chat, and DVDs), but its about making time and space for things that really matter. That reoriented us towards cooking a Mexican feast and playing board games late into the evening--together.

I'm glad I observed Turn It Off Week. Did I completely eliminate all electronic entertainment from my life? No, but it did open my eyes to how much websurfing, television, etc. does detract from real life. It was the most fun we've had as a family in a long time. It's an experiment that I'd certainly recommend to other families.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County--a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This Healthy Advice column originally ran in the May 7 edition of the Times Observer in Warren, PA.

Can you drink the cup?

Every month or so I highlight a book that I feel is particularly uplifting or beneficial. Usually these books are recent releases. This selection, however, is a perennial favorite that often finds its way off of my bookshelf.

Can You Drink the Cup is a book of meditations by the late Henri J.M. Nouwen, a Catholic priest, psychologist, educator, and social worker. In this slim volume (111 pages), he uses the metaphor of a cup to describe life. Drawing much from his work with the developmentally disabled, Nouwen demonstrates the rare ability to express the most profound ideas in simple everyday language: "We stop wondering whether our life is better or worse than others, and start seeing clearly that when we live our life for others we not only claim our individuality but also proclaim our unique place in the mosaic of the human family." By the first few pages into the book, you will feel as if the author is a familiar friend sharing his heart and soul.

Can You Drink the Cup isn't a step-by-step guide to finding fulfillment in your life. The book is far more holistic than that. Nouwen celebrates "drinking" the good things that life has to offer, but he doesn't shy away from the adversity that we are all served as well. He writes, "When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become.  The sorrow overwhelms us, makes us throw ourselves on the ground, face down, and sweat drops of blood.  Then we need to be reminded that our cup of sorrow is also our cup of joy, and that one day we will be able to taste the joy as fully as we now taste the sorrow." His message is both simple and profound: that living life to the fullest comes through drinking all of it, and that God can give us the courage to do so.

Inspiring reading from a remarkable human being.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This Healthy Advice column originally ran in the April 23 edition of the Times Observer in Warren, PA.

Help us spend $1,000

The Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry is the proud recipient of a $1,000 grant from the Karl Peterson Fund & Lynn Foundation Fund at the Chautauqua Region Community Foundation! The grant will be used to purchase games & recreational equipment and also for training for our youth workers from each church. This will greatly assist SLYM in meeting the spiritual, social, and emotional needs of the young people we serve each week. If you have any suggestions for games or recreational equipment we should purchase, please post them on the SLYM Facebook Page!

We are taking our first-ever youth group portrait tonight (4/29). It will run in the Post-Journal as a thank you to the Community Foundation. So come dressed in your brightest, most colorful clothes--even tie‑die! Don't miss out on this chance to thank the CRCF for their generosity! (Of course, we respect the wishes of any parent who chooses not to have their child photographed.)

SLYM for Middle School is back at the G.A. Learning Center, too. Our lesson this week is called "Get Up & Walk." We live in a culture where personal health, happiness, and safety are some of the highest goals. Yet people still get sick and injured, and experience great pain and sorrow. We'll learn how Jesus makes people whole--spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Please pray for Tara Eastman from First Lutheran this week as she is traveling back from Princeton Theological Seminary today. And thank God for Nate Gibson & Emily Whitney of Holy Trinity back safely from their mission trip. What a witness to the people of Clintswood, VA!

See you Thursday night at 6:30 pm at the G.A. Learning Center!

Peace,

Ian F. Eastman, M.A.
SLYM Coordinator

What does and doesn't fit

This column was written by my wife Tara, who is the Albert Einstein of shoe shopping.

Shopping for new running shoes. I love and it and I hate it. Shoes that seem suitable in the store do not always hold up on the road. I ponder if the heel will slip or if the arch support is good. Sometimes I wonder purely about the appearance of the shoes: "Do these look like clown feet?" Sometimes I have a simple time finding what I need, other times I search everywhere to no avail. I have experienced the heartbreak (ladies, back me up on this) of favorite shoes that wear out quickly. I have experienced the delirious excitement of snagging great running shoes at closeout prices. There are a lot of variables in bringing home a pair of running shoes, but one thing is certain: I need good ones to get out there and hit the trail every morning.

Life is a lot like shoe shopping. We should not take the first thing that catches our eye. We need to ponder what fits us well and what does not--and then resolve to not settle for what binds, pinches, or throws off our stride. Let's face it, things either fit or we're bound to end up under performing or with an injury.

Those choices require great wisdom. Poet David Whyte writes, "anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you." Are your conversation, habits, goals, and relationships a help or hindrance as you run this race called life? Take some time to really think about your last week and consider what fit--and what didn't.

My hope is that we will wake up every day knowing that we are ready to hit the road with our best.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This Healthy Advice column originally ran in the April 23, 2010 edition of the Times Observer.

Get turned off

As a public service to families everywhere, including my own, I would like to remind you that a television comes equipped with a switch to turn it off. Put down your newspaper and try it, right now. I bet the house just became quieter. Isn't that neat? Many other devices in your home come equipped with off switches as well, such as computers, cell phones, and video games. Turning these devices off once in awhile will save you big bucks on your electric bill. But the benefits won't stop there.

You may discover that there are other people living in your home. These people are known as your family. You can get out a board game or deck of cards (ask one of the old ones what those are if you don't know) and you can have something called fun. Afterwards, you can all take turns talking and listening to each other. Old timers call this having a conversation.

Did you know that there is a place that exists outside of your home? Go open up your front door and take a peek. This place is called outside. If you go outside, you can play. Note: this may require a ball or a frisbee or a jump rope. You may be able to find some at a garage sale. If you walk away from your home you will eventually end up at a park or a playground, where you can play with other people your age. None of this requires electricity.

A warning, though: a person who is continually bombarded by electronic media may experience something when this incessant chatter abruptly ceases. This is called boredom. It is not a dangerous condition and you need not be alarmed. It is simply your brain's way of pointing out that you lack something to do. Reading a book, drawing a picture, or playing an instrument will most likely relieve its symptoms.

The off switch is the modern marvel of our age. Try using it today--and see how it benefits you and your family!

Note: I wrote this column after reading a disturbing statistic at screentime.org: "On average, people watch 4 hours of television and then spend another 4 plus hours with computers, games, video, iPods and cell phones." Think about that: we spend a third of our day distracted by screens. This has been linked to obesity, lower language skills, and aggressive behavior. TV Turn Off Week runs April 19-25. In all seriousness, please consider turning off electronic media for a week or at least consider what guidelines your family should maintain for media consumption.

Ian Eastman, M.A., is a community educator with Family Services of Warren County—a charitable agency that provides counseling, substance abuse services, and support groups. This Healthy Advice column originally ran in the April 16, 2010 edition of the Times Observer in Warren, PA.

Learn how to learn

This week's Healthy Advice column was contributed by Gary Lester, the Executive Director of Family Services of Warren County.

The Warren County Prison is an interesting place to do therapy. Despite the common misconception that a person has to be pretty dumb to think they can get away with crime, I learned pretty quickly that inmates can be smart, insightful, and creative.

At one group meeting, an inmate told a story about something he had just seen in the “yard,” a walled-in area of the jail where inmates can get a little fresh air and exercise.

It seems a large spider had spun a web in one corner of the area. While the inmate was watching some type of large wasp-type insect landed in the web, shaking as if it were trapped. The spider advanced to claim his prey, but the wasp wasn’t stuck, he was faking it. When the spider got close enough, the wasp struck and the spider became the wasp’s lunch!

The eight of us just stared at the story-teller. I guess we were all trying to figure out the moral of the story.

These are the teaching moments I live for, so I  asked: “Let’s talk about how this is a metaphor for real life!” (It took a minute for everyone to settle on a definition of “metaphor.” Most hadn’t studied such things, but they all understood the concept.)

The discussion was great. We talked about how we would have expected the story to turn out and the idea developed that you don’t always know who the strong person is. We talked about who the characters were; the idea developed that sometimes you’re the spider and sometimes you’re the wasp. We talked about what the web represented and the responses were: “our lives,” “addiction,” a “sting operation.” The guys really got into the story, tossing ideas and variations back and forth. When I asked “What’s the moral of the story?” which I really hadn’t thought through myself, one inmate said: “Some people’s instincts are better than others.” Hmm...

At the end of the session I heartily congratulated all the participants on all the excellent ideas. They seemed surprised and became quite happy with the acknowledgement of the great work they had done analyzing the story.

I discovered that some people never really “learned how to learn,” but given the opportunity, they will sometimes jump at the chance and succeed. In the sessions that followed with that particular group, members were more engaged and participatory than ever.

Upon reflection, I decided that the real moral of the story is that there are valuable lessons to be learned everywhere and all the time. Even from bugs, just as soon as we learn to learn!

This Healthy Advice column originally ran in the April 9, 2010 edition of the Times Observer in Warren, PA.

Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry schedule for April 2010

Some of my friends down south celebrate Easter Monday. We don't do that here, but maybe that's something we should work on. After all, Lutherans are resurrection people. Christ's resurrection power gives us new life everyday... and that sounds like something worth celebrating!

The Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry will be here, there, and everywhere during the month of April. Meetings are held from 6:30 pm – 8:30 pm.

• On April 8, SLYM for High School will be at the Gustavus Adolphus Learning Center. 
• During Spring Break, on April 15 & 22, we're going to do something a little different. We'll have youth group for Middle School & High School together in the recreation room at the Gateway Center, 31 Water Street.
• On April 29, SLYM Middle School will be back to our regular meeting space at the Gustavus Adolphus Learning Center.

 

Every month, the Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry continues to grow. We anticipate about 15 young people on any given night. We hope that with some school activities ending, and with a different routine offered by Spring break, that we'll get to meet some youth in April that haven't yet tried SLYM.

 

We have two great ways for youth and parents to keep in touch with SLYM. The first is our weekly email newsletter. You can subscribe to that simply by emailing me. The second is to join our Facebook group.

Easter Sunday

Early in the morning on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone was moved away from the entrance. She ran at once to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, breathlessly panting, "They took the Master from the tomb. We don't know where they've put him."

Peter and the other disciple left immediately for the tomb. They ran, neck and neck. The other disciple got to the tomb first, outrunning Peter. Stooping to look in, he saw the pieces of linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in. Simon Peter arrived after him, entered the tomb, observed the linen cloths lying there, and the kerchief used to cover his head not lying with the linen cloths but separate, neatly folded by itself. Then the other disciple, the one who had gotten there first, went into the tomb, took one look at the evidence, and believed. No one yet knew from the Scripture that he had to rise from the dead. The disciples then went back home.

But Mary stood outside the tomb weeping. As she wept, she knelt to look into the tomb and saw two angels sitting there, dressed in white, one at the head, the other at the foot of where Jesus' body had been laid. They said to her, "Woman, why do you weep?"

"They took my Master," she said, "and I don't know where they put him." After she said this, she turned away and saw Jesus standing there. But she didn't recognize him.

Jesus spoke to her, "Woman, why do you weep? Who are you looking for?"

She, thinking that he was the gardener, said, "Mister, if you took him, tell me where you put him so I can care for him."

Jesus said, "Mary."

Turning to face him, she said in Hebrew, "Rabboni!" meaning "Teacher!"

Jesus said, "Don't cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go to my brothers and tell them, 'I ascend to my Father and your Father, my God and your God.'"

Mary Magdalene went, telling the news to the disciples: "I saw the Master!" And she told them everything he said to her.

Text: John 20:1-18 (The Message)
Art: Noli me tangere by Armand Berton